INNOCENCE

Today has been a day of reflection. I found out yesterday that a friend of mine lost her daughter to a fight against DIPG, an ugly incurable brain cancer. Ellie was barely 5 years old when she was diagnosed last April.

The past couple of days have brought back a flood of emotions for me and the loss of my daughter Chloe. What words can I say to a mother who has just lost her child? 'I know what you are feeling'. 'There is a reason for everything'. 'She is no longer suffering'. All of these phrases are cliches and mean nothing to someone who birthed a child and now will have to bury. The pain that goes along with such a task is unexplainable, incomprehensable.

Why is a child taken so early in life, why are they chosen and not someone older? Why is there not more a parent can do or be given the tools to protect a child from harm?

These are only some of the questions that to this day haunt me, even eight years after I buried my daughter, yet they are still so real. I hate to welcome another member to this "club", we don't solicit yet members join everyday.

I know the road has since become a smooth ride for me again, but the journey to get where I am now was paved with so many obstacles and to know another Mom joins us is just heartbreaking.

What I have learned over the past 8 years is that there truly is a reason to everything that goes on in a person's life, whether good or bad. It may take years for its clarity, but when it shows itself, it is an amazing feeling, one of release and contentment.

A child teaches adults so much more than they are willing to admit. I don't deny it any longer, a child's strength and determination, even during the worst of times is heroic. The innocence that they possess is angelic and I only wish it could be bottled up.

My thoughts and prayers are with my friends this weekend as they put on smiles and bear the weight of true devastation. Ellie has earned her wings and sits with the other angels, who have rid themselves of their pain and can be free to be the souls they were meant to be.