John traveled to Camp Ripley this past weekend to meet his new unit and start to train with them. I made him promise me that he would not come home unless he had his schedule in hand.
I got a call from him on Saturday night and he let me know that he had his dates. He would be training for a week in March. He would travel for one day in April to make sure all the paperwork was in order. Then came the BIG DAY! He would leave our home in May to begin training at Camp Ripley.
In June he would return home to drop off his car and then the family would pile into the car and travel back up north to spend a few days as a family taking in the sites and just being.
Mid June he will then transfer to Fort Lewis in Indiana where he says the official "ONE YEAR" countdown will begin. Sometime in July, he will then transfer to Afghanistan.
As I was writing these dates on the calendar, it was a weird feeling of calmness. It was a weird sense of excitement, yet nervousness. It sure is real now, there is no more changes, no more promotions, no more transfers. His service will begin in three months.
The kids and I talked about it the next day and we came up with several ideas of how to make it through the year and make it special. There will be jars of special candy for each of the kids to help them countdown the days until Daddy will be home. There will be a jar used as a reward when the kiddos help out around the house. Then by the end of the conversation, my guardian angel on earth, the kid that kept me sane after Chloe's death, came up with a "jar" for Mommy. Max said that it was only fair that I have one as well. He said that I could earn a piece of candy for every day that I did not yell! Kids say the darndest things, don't they. Then he added insult to injury by stating that he had the perfect candy for me - NERDS - could the kid have picked a smaller candy? I don't think there would be a jar big enough for the candy that is going to get me through the next 16 months.
It is such a relief to know that there is finally a date on the calendar and we can make it through and make decisions and finalize things. I even think that John is relieved to know that there is finally an end to this.
So a big sigh of relief in the Karline household this week.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
INNOCENCE
Today has been a day of reflection. I found out yesterday that a friend of mine lost her daughter to a fight against DIPG, an ugly incurable brain cancer. Ellie was barely 5 years old when she was diagnosed last April.
The past couple of days have brought back a flood of emotions for me and the loss of my daughter Chloe. What words can I say to a mother who has just lost her child? 'I know what you are feeling'. 'There is a reason for everything'. 'She is no longer suffering'. All of these phrases are cliches and mean nothing to someone who birthed a child and now will have to bury. The pain that goes along with such a task is unexplainable, incomprehensable.
Why is a child taken so early in life, why are they chosen and not someone older? Why is there not more a parent can do or be given the tools to protect a child from harm?
These are only some of the questions that to this day haunt me, even eight years after I buried my daughter, yet they are still so real. I hate to welcome another member to this "club", we don't solicit yet members join everyday.
I know the road has since become a smooth ride for me again, but the journey to get where I am now was paved with so many obstacles and to know another Mom joins us is just heartbreaking.
What I have learned over the past 8 years is that there truly is a reason to everything that goes on in a person's life, whether good or bad. It may take years for its clarity, but when it shows itself, it is an amazing feeling, one of release and contentment.
A child teaches adults so much more than they are willing to admit. I don't deny it any longer, a child's strength and determination, even during the worst of times is heroic. The innocence that they possess is angelic and I only wish it could be bottled up.
My thoughts and prayers are with my friends this weekend as they put on smiles and bear the weight of true devastation. Ellie has earned her wings and sits with the other angels, who have rid themselves of their pain and can be free to be the souls they were meant to be.
The past couple of days have brought back a flood of emotions for me and the loss of my daughter Chloe. What words can I say to a mother who has just lost her child? 'I know what you are feeling'. 'There is a reason for everything'. 'She is no longer suffering'. All of these phrases are cliches and mean nothing to someone who birthed a child and now will have to bury. The pain that goes along with such a task is unexplainable, incomprehensable.
Why is a child taken so early in life, why are they chosen and not someone older? Why is there not more a parent can do or be given the tools to protect a child from harm?
These are only some of the questions that to this day haunt me, even eight years after I buried my daughter, yet they are still so real. I hate to welcome another member to this "club", we don't solicit yet members join everyday.
I know the road has since become a smooth ride for me again, but the journey to get where I am now was paved with so many obstacles and to know another Mom joins us is just heartbreaking.
What I have learned over the past 8 years is that there truly is a reason to everything that goes on in a person's life, whether good or bad. It may take years for its clarity, but when it shows itself, it is an amazing feeling, one of release and contentment.
A child teaches adults so much more than they are willing to admit. I don't deny it any longer, a child's strength and determination, even during the worst of times is heroic. The innocence that they possess is angelic and I only wish it could be bottled up.
My thoughts and prayers are with my friends this weekend as they put on smiles and bear the weight of true devastation. Ellie has earned her wings and sits with the other angels, who have rid themselves of their pain and can be free to be the souls they were meant to be.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Ring, Ring!
Hello, this is the US Military calling!
So the telephone finally rang on Thursday night. The call we had been waiting for, yet silently praying would not come. When I got home, John informed me that indeed he would be leaving for Iraq.
The call came with the following information:
Begin drilling with his new unit, the 114th out of Chisholm, Minnesota on February 21.
Continue to drill with them in March and April
Report to Camp Ripley for a month of training in May, date unknown - (John is crossing his fingers that for once they actually looked at the calendar and realized when Fishing Opener was and not ask for them to report that weekend! LOL)
Move onto Indiana after that month for additional training prior to leaving for Iraq.
Full orders and information will be sent in the mail the next week.
The first words out of my mouth were - "will this change again?" I have this fear that yet again we will begin this path and in just moments it will change and weave again. John's response was NO, this will not change, there are no more promotions, no more transfers and this unit is now complete and moving into mobilization status.
John went out last night to celebrate with a buddy from his old unit that will deploy tomorrow, he said he had a good time, but what a feeling that probably was for him. He was supposed to leave for Fort Lewis tomorrow with these guys that he has been with for 3 years. Now he will begin another journey with men and women he is just meeting, putting his trust and his life in their hands. There are so many questions and thoughts I would love to ask and share with John, but just don't know if it is anything he will ever share completely with me.
Over the next three months we will prepare again for his deployment, all of his army gear has been packed for two months, it just needs a new label with the new unit information. We will also make sure the garage is organized from a female's perspective, a "manual" will be put together with all the husband duties I will need to know about, an address book will be put together with everyone's contact info so I can have it at a fingers length and anything else I feel will allow me to be at ease with his departure.
After I think about all of those things, I then start to wonder what John needs to have done so he is at ease with his departure. We have been blessed with a wonderful family who purchased a digital camera, portable dvd player, and numerous movies. I have set up this blog so John has access to it and can read about our days and even he can add his thoughts as we move through this time in our lives. Just today, though, he mentioned he would love a Nintendo DS as well, it is just so funny to think about the things they are allowed to bring with them compared to previous wars - could you imagine what Grandpa Brendal would say?
Well, a new countdown has begun and we will take each day as it comes, enjoy our family and friends and when May comes around I will stand proudly next to John as he prepares to leave his family for his duty as a soldier. My heart still skips a beat every time he puts his uniform on, there is never anger, just love and admiration for the man I knew I was in love with the first time I saw him in his dress whites!
So the telephone finally rang on Thursday night. The call we had been waiting for, yet silently praying would not come. When I got home, John informed me that indeed he would be leaving for Iraq.
The call came with the following information:
Begin drilling with his new unit, the 114th out of Chisholm, Minnesota on February 21.
Continue to drill with them in March and April
Report to Camp Ripley for a month of training in May, date unknown - (John is crossing his fingers that for once they actually looked at the calendar and realized when Fishing Opener was and not ask for them to report that weekend! LOL)
Move onto Indiana after that month for additional training prior to leaving for Iraq.
Full orders and information will be sent in the mail the next week.
The first words out of my mouth were - "will this change again?" I have this fear that yet again we will begin this path and in just moments it will change and weave again. John's response was NO, this will not change, there are no more promotions, no more transfers and this unit is now complete and moving into mobilization status.
John went out last night to celebrate with a buddy from his old unit that will deploy tomorrow, he said he had a good time, but what a feeling that probably was for him. He was supposed to leave for Fort Lewis tomorrow with these guys that he has been with for 3 years. Now he will begin another journey with men and women he is just meeting, putting his trust and his life in their hands. There are so many questions and thoughts I would love to ask and share with John, but just don't know if it is anything he will ever share completely with me.
Over the next three months we will prepare again for his deployment, all of his army gear has been packed for two months, it just needs a new label with the new unit information. We will also make sure the garage is organized from a female's perspective, a "manual" will be put together with all the husband duties I will need to know about, an address book will be put together with everyone's contact info so I can have it at a fingers length and anything else I feel will allow me to be at ease with his departure.
After I think about all of those things, I then start to wonder what John needs to have done so he is at ease with his departure. We have been blessed with a wonderful family who purchased a digital camera, portable dvd player, and numerous movies. I have set up this blog so John has access to it and can read about our days and even he can add his thoughts as we move through this time in our lives. Just today, though, he mentioned he would love a Nintendo DS as well, it is just so funny to think about the things they are allowed to bring with them compared to previous wars - could you imagine what Grandpa Brendal would say?
Well, a new countdown has begun and we will take each day as it comes, enjoy our family and friends and when May comes around I will stand proudly next to John as he prepares to leave his family for his duty as a soldier. My heart still skips a beat every time he puts his uniform on, there is never anger, just love and admiration for the man I knew I was in love with the first time I saw him in his dress whites!
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